we made out on top of his cat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
