I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
