If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
