bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
