please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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