oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
