Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
