Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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