Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
