i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
