youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
