So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
