Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
