I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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