PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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