During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
