Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
