She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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