Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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