he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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