i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
