You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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