Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
