She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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