After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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