My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
