Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
