No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
