I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You are a genius and a whore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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