What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
