If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
