I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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