i think my tv is drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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