$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up under a house in Key West
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