You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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