If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
