So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
