I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
