A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
