this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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