Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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