why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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