Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Girls should come with a carfax report
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
