Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
