I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
