He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
