I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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