Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
