Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
