I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
