I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
